Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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