remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
