Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
