I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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