remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am naked and annoyed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
