I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
