Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
