I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
