You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
