i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
