I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
