Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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