Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
