It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
