So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
