he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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