i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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