haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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