So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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