Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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