You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
