I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
