I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
