Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
