I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
