Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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