Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
