he puts the penis in happiness.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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