He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We are two peas in an std pod
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
