I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
