Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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