dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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