Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
