I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
