So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
