I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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