Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
