3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Kiss
Puke
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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