nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
