I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
