grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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