So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
