also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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