Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
