I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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