that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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