I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
