Swine flu. Run for my life!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
