i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
