just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Damn victory sex feels great
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
