Cold hands, warm shart.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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