Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
